Getting Through the Messy Middle: The Space Between Work and Reward

[00:00:00] Maggie: Hello everybody, this is just a quick reminder that I am keeping Vibe Club open for the foreseeable future So if you are interested in joining go to vibewithmaggie. [00:00:08] [00:00:16] com

[00:00:21]

[00:00:21] Maggie: Hello, everybody. Welcome to the podcast today.

[00:00:23] Ryan: [00:00:24] Good morning.

[00:00:24] Maggie: Happy Friday. If you're listening on Friday

[00:00:26] Ryan: Happy Friday

[00:00:28] Maggie: another reminder. We love seeing your guys's Spotify comments. If you guys have any [00:00:32] feedback on the episodes that you're hearing, anything that resonated, we'd love to see it.

[00:00:36] Ryan: So leave us

[00:00:36] Maggie: a comment.

[00:00:37] Ryan: Yes, yes. Leave a comment. I like [00:00:40] today's topic.

[00:00:40] Maggie: You do?

[00:00:41] Ryan: I do.

[00:00:42] Ryan: I think it's very important and I feel like it's a psychological barrier that a lot of people struggle [00:00:48] with.

[00:00:48] Maggie: . Yes, it is. And I think that's just because we like to feel good. And we want to feel good now and we want to feel good later. But Maggie, [00:00:56] what about the in between? So today we're going to be talking about

[00:00:59] Maggie: Where you are versus where you want to be. And it's funny because when we want to feel good where we are [00:01:04] at, like we're in this moment, I want to feel good. I'm going to go for cheap hits. What's the quickest way I can feel good? Is it in a drive thru? Is it at my front [00:01:12] door with DoorDash? Is it in my social media app?

[00:01:14] Maggie: Where can I get that hit? Can I

[00:01:16] Ryan: hit buy now? And it shows up on my buy

[00:01:19] Maggie: now? What? It'll [00:01:20] deliver between 2 and 6 p. m. today. Amazing.

[00:01:23] Ryan: For the whole month of December, Maggie kept saying, I'm in my buy now era.

[00:01:25] Maggie: Oh.

[00:01:26] Ryan: Oh. And tell them what that [00:01:28] means.

[00:01:28] Maggie: I mean, it just meant that I was just buying stuff I needed and wanted.

[00:01:34] Ryan: She openly admitted to me she was [00:01:36] using Apple Pay and hitting the checkout button and the pay button. Faster than

[00:01:40] Maggie: her brain could catch up with, yeah, yeah. He, I [00:01:44] just, I don't know. He said something like I was, we were mid conversation. I was like, it's already bought. Like, I already, it's on its way, dude.

[00:01:50] Maggie: It's probably loading on the [00:01:52] truck right now. And he's like, what are you talking about? I'm like, well, if you use Apple pay, you just double click, let it get your face. And before you know it, It's yours, you own it. [00:02:00] Kate, we all struggle sometimes. I am not, in any way, the picture of perfection over here, okay?

[00:02:07] Maggie: , the buy now era [00:02:08] did end, however. Um, and, and yeah, that's the thing about, we're always talking about [00:02:16] like trading what you want now for what you want most. And those moments of, of what we want now, we're going to be looking for the cheap hits. The [00:02:24] other thing that falls into this is The information gathering stage, the insight stage, the lightbulb stage, the [00:02:32] aha stage, the awareness stage, the oh my god, it feels so good to listen to this.

[00:02:39] Maggie: It feels [00:02:40] so good to know this now. I know so much about this. That feels good. That feels good. And that's a place where many [00:02:48] people want to stay when it comes to Wanting to make a change. What do I mean by that? You want a, you want something new. You want a different [00:02:56] experience, whether it's with your weight, with food, with your relationship, with your money, with anything.

[00:03:00] Maggie: And so you're in this like data collecting stage. And you're [00:03:04] getting these ahas that are like illuminating something for you. And you're like, Oh my God, that makes so much sense. And we love it. I love it. I love [00:03:12] it. I have had to consciously stop filling my brain with information. Because it keeps you so busy, it keeps you so distracted, [00:03:20] and you feel like you're really doing something.

[00:03:22] Maggie: And the most important thing is it feels good. You're getting a [00:03:28] dopamine hit in the moment. With knowing this is what I want to do. You guys are doing it right now with this podcast. Yeah, she's speaking the truth. I want freedom [00:03:36] with, I don't want to track another Yes! Right?

[00:03:39] Ryan: I bet you your brain probably doesn't know much difference between learning and doing.

[00:03:42] Maggie: A hundred percent. A hundred [00:03:44] percent. We get that same hit you get the same hit setting goals and deciding what you're going to do and you're like, hell yeah, I [00:03:52] lived on that high for years. My brain did not know the difference between like, Oh my, let's get shit done. We [00:04:00] are changing everything until we get to the next part of this process, which we're going to address.

[00:04:05] Maggie: But I want to just fully acknowledge the fact that too [00:04:08] many of you are getting stuck in the insight stage. You're getting stuck in the excitement, in the possibility, all of this [00:04:16] stuff. You're listening to stuff, you see the possibilities, you feel it in your body, what could be possible for you, that dopamine is releasing, and then the next day [00:04:24] comes, and it's time to actually use what you just learned, use those insights, and you need to put into place, and you've just [00:04:32] become stuck in the Action zone, the place where you have to apply the things that you're learning and that zone [00:04:40] feels fucking terrible.

[00:04:41] Maggie: And you go, what happened? Wait, I was, yesterday I was feeling so good. I was feeling so excited. I told myself [00:04:48] I was ready, that everything was going to change today. But now you're in the part where you must implement and that does not feel good. And I don't think enough people are [00:04:56] talking about the fact that it doesn't feel good to be in the in between, between where you are and where you want to eventually end up.

[00:05:02] Ryan: The reason I think [00:05:04] that it is in particularly very difficult with weight loss is because when you first start

[00:05:10] Ryan: There's a ratio that's [00:05:12] very off balance and what the ratio is, is the perceived level of sacrifice you're making in direct correlation with the [00:05:20] reward you get for that sacrifice. Yes. And. Yep. . When you first start, there's almost no correlation. So you're making a huge sacrifice for what seems like nothing.

[00:05:27] Ryan: [00:05:28] Yeah. And that reward, even, even if you do wait the amount of time, it doesn't I happen it all at once. Mm-hmm . It's like, [00:05:36] it's like turning a faucet on a drip.

[00:05:37] Maggie: Yeah.

[00:05:38] Ryan: For this massive quote unquote sacrifice you're making.

[00:05:41] Maggie: Yeah. And yeah, and that's a perception [00:05:44] too.

[00:05:44] Ryan: And it's, it's a mind fuck. Yeah, it is. With weight loss.

[00:05:47] Ryan: Yeah. It's like, I can't think of anything else where more, where you have to delay your [00:05:52] gratification so much it.

[00:05:52] Maggie: Start a business. I know. Which we've done. I know. It's, it's, it's most things where you want to improve and up [00:06:00] level and make more money, lose more weight, anything like that. Like there is a waiting period and you guys, it's longer than you [00:06:08] want it to be.

[00:06:09] Maggie: It's significantly longer. Do you

[00:06:11] Ryan: understand what I'm saying though? It's like, every day I have this perception of waking up and making this huge [00:06:16] sacrifice for what?

[00:06:17] Maggie: Yeah. But, but there's two problems there. The first problem is , , the sacrifice is perceived at [00:06:24] much a bigger level than it actually is.

[00:06:26] Maggie: It's not as big of a sacrifice as you think it is. And the problem that I run into with clients is. We're so used to [00:06:32] it being a huge sacrifice where there are all these things you have to give up and all these things you have to do all at once. And so your brain naturally is [00:06:40] like weight loss. This is going to suck.

[00:06:41] Maggie: This is going to take all my focus. This is going to be so hard. This is going to be so depriving. And so that's the first thing. The second [00:06:48] thing is the fact that that we have anything stuck in our mind that we deserve a payoff for a day's worth of work. And then the third thing is that. You think that one day's [00:06:56] work will even get you anything and and so I talk to people about that all the time It's like where's my?

[00:07:02] Maggie: What do I get? What do I get? [00:07:04] I didn't overeat once yesterday Yeah, all day yesterday. Why did the

[00:07:11] Ryan: scale go up [00:07:12] today? I was so good yesterday.

[00:07:14] Maggie: Yes And that's something we have to break out of because there's so many, there's different facets to this because so [00:07:20] much of it, it's all your perception of all the hard work you're doing.

[00:07:23] Maggie: You're not doing hard work. You're not. It is challenging [00:07:28] to allow urges to be there, to not give in to all the cravings that you have. Sure, everything's going to have a little bit of a challenge with it. But the way our brain blows it up, like [00:07:36] the entire day, we're talking, I ate five separate times. I didn't overeat once.

[00:07:42] Maggie: And I've had clients where I've had to be [00:07:44] like, Pull up your data, you know, in, in the coaching app that we use and swipe. I want you to swipe and I want you to look back over the last seven days and they [00:07:52] realize they did really good for two of those days. That's it. Out of the last seven. Otherwise, the harsh reality is you're not doing as good as you think you're doing.

[00:07:59] Maggie: There's been [00:08:00] a lot of overeating. You don't deserve a reward for two days of hard work. You don't get paid for two days. You don't get paid for two days. And that is, that's [00:08:08] an uncomfortable place to be at. And you could be doing everything right and getting. Nothing. Nothing in return. And that's [00:08:16] something like I have to constantly redirect clients to stick with it, stick with it, stop straying.

[00:08:21] Maggie: I know what your brain wants to do. I know your brain's telling you [00:08:24] like last week, you need to get more strict. You need to restrict. I'm like, you absolutely do not need to make any changes. As long as you're telling yourself the truth with your data and you're telling [00:08:32] me the truth with your data.

[00:08:33] Maggie: Nothing. needs to change. If anything, I need you to get a little bit better at not overeating. That's all we have. Oh, [00:08:40] what about keto? What, this is what worked. What about this? No, no, no. Refocus. I know that it's hard. And here's what we have to address. When you [00:08:48] guys go on restrictive diets and you throw yourself into an enormous calorie deficit and you are eating 1100 calories a day, there is a good chance that you will see quicker [00:08:56] weight loss.

[00:08:56] Maggie: you will see rewards. When you fast for 60 hours and you see a drop in six pounds of [00:09:04] water on the scale, you are going to have this thing where you're like getting dopamine from the fact of look what's happening. Look how fast this is moving. [00:09:12] Look how fast I'm losing weight. If you're not losing fat, your brain is playing you.

[00:09:17] Maggie: So, that's one of the things that must, you [00:09:20] have to increase your comfort level with discomfort. You must. Because you're not going to be seeing changes the way you used to see changes when you [00:09:28] went from eating 3, 000 calories a day to 1, 000 calories a day. This is, we're working the process in a different way.

[00:09:34] Maggie: You have to expect the weight [00:09:36] loss is also going to show up in a different way. Albeit consistent, it will be. But not at the rate you're looking for, because [00:09:44] we aren't going to be eating, I don't even want to say overeating so much less, I want to say eating less, eating so much less, that's going to cause a [00:09:52] massive drop in water and muscle and eventually fat.

[00:09:56] Maggie: That's not what we're doing here. In the past, all of us have [00:10:00] judged a weight loss process as working if we are seeing that scale go down every single day, at least a little bit, and that we did [00:10:08] something wrong yesterday if the scale went up today, and we need to fix our plan today Based on yesterday, if I lost [00:10:16] weight today, then whatever I did yesterday, I need to copy that today, silliness, if I gained weight, you have no room to move today, stick to the [00:10:24] plan.

[00:10:24] Maggie: And then we're still just like treating ourselves like drill sergeants with the mind, you know, with the diet mentality rules. And that's not going to be [00:10:32] helpful at all. But it's this middle ground, there is where you are at now. And then there is where you want to eventually end up or [00:10:40] where you assume you want to end up because we don't A lot of the time, nobody really knows that in the middle of the journey, , and you are going to get rewards, but they're going to be micro [00:10:48] dosed rewards.

[00:10:48] Maggie: They're not going to be these huge ass rewards on the scale where you're like, fuck yo, I'm down three pounds in a day. If you're down three [00:10:56] pounds in a day. There are multiple things going on. Either you've been working really hard for the last three weeks, or Whatever. You guys know all the [00:11:04] other random ways where you can drop three pounds in a day.

[00:11:06] Maggie: It's not because of what you did yesterday. Unless you starved yourself all day yesterday, and then guess what? You're probably gonna be fucking starving today. So [00:11:12] it's all gonna balance it out because that's your job's body. That's your job. That's your body's job to do. It's the middle ground. And it's getting a [00:11:20] lot more comfortable not acting like the way my clients have been referring to it lately as a petulant child.

[00:11:26] Maggie: Well, I was so [00:11:28] good at the doctors. Where's my sucker? Where's my candy? I was so good. We're not gonna, we're not gonna do that anymore. We're not going to take that. Approach to, [00:11:36] I was so good. Where's my reward? If I don't get in weight loss, I'm giving it to myself in overeating. Hmm. We're gonna stop that that's a shitty pattern no matter which way you [00:11:44] follow it.

[00:11:44] Maggie: We have to get better at delayed gratification. Okay. We're all very amazing at instant [00:11:52] gratification.

[00:11:52] Ryan: Do you have no choice here on this? On this either.

[00:11:54] Maggie: Not if you're doing it in, if you want the weight, a sustainable way thing.

[00:11:57] Ryan: Want, you have to learn how to do this.

[00:11:59] Maggie: [00:12:00] Yeah. Anytime your brain is like, where's my reward?

[00:12:02] Maggie: It's coming. That's how I want you to respond to that. It's coming I'm sorry that you're disappointed because we can honor that disappointment. I'm [00:12:08] disappointed because I, I really feel like I've been working hard. No one's saying you're not. There's a good chance that you are. You really are staying focused on this and you're staying [00:12:16] committed.

[00:12:16] Maggie: But as long as you need the instant gratification to justify whether or not you continue, you're going to be screwing yourself every single time. We [00:12:24] not owed it just because we work hard and like. You think you're working a lot harder than you're actually working and that's the problem. It's like you're, you're probably [00:12:32] not working as hard as your brain tells you that you're working.

[00:12:34] Maggie: And that's why my focus on doing something that you can do forever, doing something that doesn't stress you the [00:12:40] hell out all day, is very important. Because then when those thoughts come up, assuming you are doing The process, the way that I [00:12:48] teach it, it's really easy to soothe your brain and be like, this is not what we used to do.

[00:12:52] Maggie: This is not a diet. I'm not taking away all of your favorite foods. And [00:12:56] this is you having that conversation with yourself and talking to your brain a little bit and being like, I get that it feels that way because we've tried to lose weight so many times in the past, but I'm [00:13:04] not doing to you what I did to you in the past.

[00:13:06] Maggie: We're on the same team. Yes, it's going to take some front loaded effort for sure, because we're trying to [00:13:12] create a new way of doing things. But this isn't hard the way you're making it. You're being a little dramatic. We're eating food we want when we're [00:13:20] hungry and we're not overeating that food. We are stopping when our body tells us it's enough.

[00:13:24] Maggie: That's it. That's it. Of course, based off of the plan that you made. [00:13:28] That's it. It's so much more simple than we think it is. And that, those kind of conversations are what's going to help you when you're in that messy middle part. Because it is [00:13:36] messy. And you kind of feel like you're floundering and you We're constantly looking for feedback of, is this working?

[00:13:41] Maggie: Yes or no? And we use the scale to [00:13:44] do that. And we, we're measuring it by the wrong thing. And I get that it's hard because until you feel proficient in listening to your [00:13:52] body, you're like, well, I literally don't know if it's working. I know. Sit with that. Sit in that. It is hard. But as long [00:14:00] as you really are listening to your body and collecting that data over time, it's going to become very clear whether it's working or not.

[00:14:04] Maggie: And sometimes you need to redefine what does [00:14:08] working mean. And that's where we look for wins outside of the scale.

[00:14:11] Ryan: That's so important. When we talk about it in terms of the sacrifice and reward too, it's hard because [00:14:16] there's no, like if you look at your scale graph over the last 30 days, there's no one day that you can pinpoint that says, Oh, there's the reward.

[00:14:23] Ryan: Yeah. [00:14:24] It's not going to be ever be on a single day. It's going to be from you looking back at your data in 30 days and be like, look where I was 30 days ago and look where I am now. [00:14:32] Yeah. That's going to be your reward.

[00:14:33] Maggie: Yes. And your reward, unfortunately, is like, am I doing the things?

[00:14:38] Ryan: Yeah.

[00:14:38] Maggie: And it's [00:14:40] trusting.

[00:14:40] Maggie: I hate to say it, but it, it is in that messy middle part. is where the faith has to come in. What's faith? We all know, right? believing in [00:14:48] things that you haven't seen the results of yet, right? Like I just, it's trust. It's knowing as long as I am actually working this [00:14:56] process, I have to trust that it's going to work for me.

[00:14:58] Maggie: And that's hard, right? Because why should you trust that? Because I've done it. Because a bunch of other people have done it, [00:15:04] it's hard to trust just from other people's experience. It's a lot easier to trust when you start to get the experience. That doesn't come day [00:15:12] one. And so it's, but that's with everything.

[00:15:14] Maggie: It's with everything. And I see it the same way like I've decided to like really post on TikTok more with [00:15:20] taking out all of the perceived things that I should be doing, right? All of the rules that I have. And it's humbling. It's humbling to see views. It's humbling to see [00:15:28] no comments. That stuff's humbling.

[00:15:30] Maggie: I'm in the messy middle part. I may have a lot of followers on TikTok, but I haven't gained followers in a very, [00:15:36] very long time on TikTok. I'm in that place where like, I'm not a pro at this and it doesn't feel good. And I could use that. As a reason to quit, [00:15:44] or I could use it as a reason to say I'm not there yet.

[00:15:46] Maggie: I've seen many, many, many people are being very successful on TikTok. I have to borrow that right now. Yeah. And [00:15:52] you know what else I could do? I could say, well, that's not fair. And my brain does do that sometimes. I'm like, well, I don't, I think I do that just fine. Well, I can have that too. And so, [00:16:00] like, I get into that petulant child mode where I'm like, well, why should I have to?

[00:16:05] Maggie: I've been at this for seven years. I see

[00:16:07] Ryan: on Instagram [00:16:08] so much. Just post the most basic shit and get thousands of likes. I'm like, that is crazy.

[00:16:14] Maggie: Yeah.

[00:16:14] Ryan: That they said [00:16:16] something that my 10 year old could write. You know what I mean?

[00:16:18] Maggie: And that's such a good example of one of the places where we get in the weeds.

[00:16:21] Maggie: Yeah. And I'm so worried about what other people are [00:16:24] doing and why it's unfair because that was so basic. And my brain does that too, you guys. I'm trying to just use a different example because I know a lot of people that follow me, you know, are content [00:16:32] creators too. You get to see it however you want to see it.

[00:16:35] Maggie: I can focus on what's not fair. I can focus on the fact that I, I should be, you know, [00:16:40] I should be getting more views than this. I should be losing more weight than this. Kate, well you're not. So are you doing the thing that creates [00:16:48] that? And I think that's where we. Get really particular about what does that mean?

[00:16:52] Maggie: Am I doing the thing? Am I doing all of these things that are [00:16:56] required? Or am I focusing really honing in on one specific thing and getting really good at that?

[00:17:02] Ryan: What are you doing with TikTok right now then? [00:17:04]

[00:17:04] Maggie: I'm being consistent.

[00:17:05] Ryan: Okay.

[00:17:05] Maggie: I'm not overthinking it. I'm talking about what I want to be talking about, not what I think people want to hear from me.

[00:17:10] Maggie: Mm. And guess what? [00:17:12] I'm trusting the fucking process. And I know that if I see someone who's been successful because they've been posting between one to four times every single day for 15 months, [00:17:20] and I've been posting between one to four days for the last five days, not be where they are at. I have not put in the time.

[00:17:27] Maggie: [00:17:28] I have not gotten the reps. I have not been able to, , figure out my process and how I want to show up because I haven't been doing it for very long. I don't know what works and what [00:17:36] doesn't work, but I know based on other people who have been successful and learning from them, I know what's possible and I know basically what to do.

[00:17:43] Maggie: And I also [00:17:44] know the power in sticking with the main focus. The main focus for me right now is posting one to four times on Tik Tok about whatever the fuck I want to talk about the focus for you guys right [00:17:52] now. is making a plan and learning how to listen to your body and eat when you are hungry and stop at enough.

[00:17:56] Maggie: Those are the only things you need to focus on. And even you [00:18:00] may just be at the point where you need to start practicing making a plan and getting intentional. Keep it super duper basic. We can add the bells and whistles later. We can get [00:18:08] the tech gear later. We can figure out the perfect lighting later, but right now you have to get good at the art of [00:18:16] showing up.

[00:18:16] Maggie: That's it. Showing up every single day. Not spotty, not really good for five days, and then not for another [00:18:24] week. , consistency will beat anything every single time.

[00:18:27] Ryan: I'd like to add that you have to get good at the art of showing up with no [00:18:32] reward.

[00:18:32] Maggie: That's a great, terrible ending to what I said, yeah.

[00:18:35] Ryan: No reward. Yeah. Your videos are not going viral.

[00:18:38] Maggie: Yeah.

[00:18:39] Ryan: Some of them are getting [00:18:40] really shitty views.

[00:18:40] Maggie: But do you know the reward that I'm getting? I'm proud of myself. Like, that feels good to me. Do you know the reward that I'm getting? My for [00:18:48] you page has changed into things that inspire me instead of things that scare me.

[00:18:53] Maggie: that's rewarding to me because I'm like, wow, it really shows my [00:18:56] focus is different. I want to learn. I want to be better. I want to get good at this. And guess what? The price of getting good at something else, being really fucking bad at it

[00:19:02] Ryan: and

[00:19:03] Maggie: being able [00:19:04] to do that on a public stage, you know what I mean?

[00:19:06] Maggie: It's the price you pay. I could also just quit and hide. And I would get a little bit of a payoff on that. I wouldn't [00:19:12] have to feel stupid, I wouldn't have to feel new, I wouldn't have to feel inexperienced. I could, I could get that gain immediately right now by being like, Ugh, I don't want to [00:19:20] do this.

[00:19:20] Maggie: People want to argue with me, this is uncomfortable, whatever. I have to be willing to sit in the shit. And in the messy middle, with whatever you're trying to [00:19:28] accomplish, there is going to be shit that you have to sit in. And nobody's going to be clapping for you. What? Why are you laughing?

[00:19:34] Ryan: I'm going to call this episode, how to sit in the [00:19:36] shit.

[00:19:37] Maggie: Can we swear in podcast episodes? We got dinged for that in the beginning and we did not know what was going on. , but that's what it [00:19:44] is. And that's what we're talking about so much. You don't understand how much sitting in the shit versus fighting the shit is going [00:19:52] to help you.

[00:19:52] Maggie: When you sit in the shit, you have a level of allowance that says this is part of the process. It feels yucky, but I know where I'm going, and I [00:20:00] trust that I'm going to get there, and I trust that my timeline is probably off, and my expectations are probably a little off.

[00:20:06] Ryan: It's an acceptance.

[00:20:07] Maggie: It is an [00:20:08] acceptance.

[00:20:08] Maggie: And that naturally lessens the pain of it.

[00:20:10] Ryan: Hmm.

[00:20:11] Maggie: Because if I was like, Expecting, of course I would love for [00:20:16] things to just pop off and like, I, I recommitted to TikTok and my video hit 3 million views. I would love that. That would delight me. I don't [00:20:24] expect that. I do not expect it. That helps because if I do have a video go viral.

[00:20:30] Maggie: It will surprise and delight me. I will not [00:20:32] expect it to be the regular thing. I won't expect that now all my videos are going to go viral. I will be like, wow, that was an amazing payoff for the fact that I just did 700 [00:20:40] videos. If I get one video over a million, and I do have one that's still pumping, and it's, and it's, five million views.

[00:20:47] Maggie: You have no [00:20:48] control over that. You have control over showing up and doing the thing over and over and over and over again. And then you start getting the payoffs. And a lot of the time the [00:20:56] payoffs, you'll start getting them more frequently. They'll kind of pick up speed, but the ratio of rewards to sitting in the shit [00:21:04] is not the ratio you're going to love.

[00:21:05] Maggie: It's going to be a lot more sitting in the shit for rewards that in the beginning you have to cultivate yourself. Like me being like, I'm [00:21:12] so proud of myself. Because you're doing it. Because guess what, guys? I have done with social media, especially TikTok, what most of you and what I used to do with [00:21:20] weight loss, which was I'll give it five days.

[00:21:22] Maggie: If nothing happens here, then I'm out.

[00:21:25] Ryan: People are probably a little confused too, because you [00:21:28] do have a lot of videos that are successful on TikTok. That's just me clipping up these podcasts.

[00:21:32] Maggie: What do you mean?

[00:21:33] Ryan: You're talking about learning how to do stuff and your account is a [00:21:36] successful account. You have tons of viral videos on your account.

[00:21:38] Ryan: So what are you talking about, Maggie? I clip up her podcast clips.

[00:21:40] Maggie: Yeah. And what are you saying though? I'm confused. I'm

[00:21:43] Ryan: saying that you're a [00:21:44] beginner and people probably may not. Oh. Understand that.

[00:21:47] Maggie: Then that's fine. I have certain goals with my social media, right? My goal is to reach [00:21:52] more people. I'm not doing that right now.

[00:21:54] Maggie: So, it's also views is a terrible way, isn't it funny because you can also gauge success on the wrong thing. [00:22:00] I had a video on Instagram, no less, get 4 million views for how you guys are the real ones to do, [00:22:08] the real ones now. I deleted it. Because it was not the people, and some of you I'm your client now and I found you that way, I get it, I get it, but you have to think on a [00:22:16] bigger scale, four million views, there are, it depends what your goals are, because I could have the goal of strictly weight loss, and I could accomplish that in, [00:22:24] in two weeks, and I could like literally fast, eat one meal a day at 700 calories, and I would accomplish the goal, but that isn't the ultimate [00:22:32] goal that I have, so know that the way that I'm speaking about it, has to do with the fact that I have the goal of reaching more people.

[00:22:38] Maggie: My followers on TikTok [00:22:40] have not Increased over 185, 000 for about a year and a half, you guys, the only goal I have right now is to get my follower count [00:22:48] out of 185, 000. Okay. And I know maybe you guys are like, okay, you're being really petty. It is what it is. My account is what it is [00:22:56] because of a bunch of tech talks doing really well about two years ago.

[00:22:59] Maggie: So it doesn't matter. And that's the thing. People will look at it and the vanity metrics would be like, wow, it's a successful tech talk. [00:23:04] It's not. So because you wanted to bring that up, I'll just, Address the fact that people are probably like no like being brand new to tick tock is going to be different It depends what [00:23:12] your goals are.

[00:23:12] Maggie: Okay, as far as I'm concerned to be honest with you guys It's kind of like starting a new one the the initial the amount of followers that you have It's [00:23:20] it doesn't matter because it's about getting in front of new eyes so maybe this will be helpful for those of you who are trying to grow your your dead tick tock so it depends what [00:23:28] the goal is and I like that you brought that up because If you're listening to this podcast The goal is not weight loss at all [00:23:36] costs.

[00:23:36] Maggie: And so you're going to be doing it differently than in the past when the goal was weight loss at all costs, because you can lose weight. You don't [00:23:44] want to lose weight. You want to lose fat and you want it to be sustainable and you want it to be simple. And that's what we teach here. Unfortunately, despite the fact that it's very, very [00:23:52] simple, there's going to be a big gap in the middle of where you are right this second and where you want to end up.

[00:23:58] Maggie: And it's going to have little blips [00:24:00] of rewards. Like I said, micro doses of rewards. And some of those rewards you will have to cultivate for yourself, which is why there's such a [00:24:08] heavy emphasis in my program. On focusing on the wins, because you are, as I've spoken about in a podcast long, long ago, your [00:24:16] own dopamine dealer, you're not going to get it from the scale, it's not going to come from these instant results based on what you did, you have to deal it to [00:24:24] yourself, you have to make it release, you have to create it, and you can do that by celebrating The fact that you didn't quit.[00:24:32]

[00:24:32] Maggie: The fact that yesterday was a shit show and you're back on it today. The fact that you normally would do X and look at you doing [00:24:40] Y. You cultivate that and it feels really good and it also feels really good in a community like Vibe Club. So if you want that help [00:24:48] in letting the process feel juicier, that's an amazing place to be because people are getting those drips of dopamine [00:24:56] by the connection, by the community, by the coaching, by the support, because it is a lonely journey, and it doesn't mean they get to avoid sitting in the [00:25:04] shit, but it means in the middle of that messy middle part.

[00:25:06] Maggie: There's a reason to keep going and there's a reason to not quit because you're able to check in, you're able to [00:25:12] laugh, you're able to have a good time, you're able to share your wins, you're able to share your losses . All of that contributes to the fact that you're staying in the game and you're doing something [00:25:20] different.

[00:25:20] Maggie: And it makes this long journey just feel better. And if it feels better, you're less likely to quit. It's very important.

[00:25:27] Ryan: [00:25:28] True.

[00:25:28] Maggie: But you're not, you're not going to get out. Nobody gets out. Without sitting in the shit, and you can use that as a hook on one of my TikToks. [00:25:36] Nobody gets out. And if you think you are, you're playing yourself and you're probably out actioning your way out of your emotions.

[00:25:42] Maggie: And we should talk about that in Vibe [00:25:44] Club on a coaching call. Okay? You can do that. I, someone told, who was I talking to the other day that gave me such a good quote? I don't know who it's from. He said, [00:25:52] action can't, can't outdo ignorance or something. Like, you have to be open to getting that awareness and sitting in those [00:26:00] emotions.

[00:26:00] Maggie: Otherwise, you're just going to busy yourself out of it. And you're like, I don't, I don't experience those emotions. No, it's not. And those are the people I see so [00:26:08] resistant to when things are hard. That they immediately think, this feels awful. I'm doing something wrong. This feels awful. This is not [00:26:16] working.

[00:26:16] Maggie: Those two things are in no way connected. Feeling bad does not mean you're doing anything wrong, it doesn't mean it's time to quit, it doesn't mean it's time to change [00:26:24] anything. It's probably just part of the process, where it really sucks to feel, especially this is the biggest one you guys will run into, I feel like I'm [00:26:32] doing things so much differently than I used to.

[00:26:34] Maggie: I feel like I'm overeating so much less than I used to. Why isn't the skill telling that same story? [00:26:40] And my answer to you is, It's going to, but I need you to hang on. I need you to trust me. I need you to trust this [00:26:48] message and know that the payoff is coming, but It's FedEx, and it might have gotten lost.

[00:26:54] Maggie: FedEx is so fucking whack, I [00:26:56] hate FedEx. Anytime something shifts with FedEx, Ryan and I are like, Yeah, so we don't know when it's going to get here. When it's FedEx, [00:27:04] it's in the Lord's hands. FedEx has

[00:27:05] Ryan: no idea when their packages are getting here.

[00:27:07] Maggie: FedEx doesn't even know. It's not Amazon Prime. It is not same day [00:27:12] delivery.

[00:27:12] Maggie: It's FedEx.

[00:27:13] Ryan: It's, uh, yeah. It's such a thing. Yeah.

[00:27:15] Maggie: It's shipping from overseas. You guys ever order something like that where it's shipping from, [00:27:20] it's shipping from Australia, it's shipping from China. It's, it is coming, I promise you. But I can also promise you, you delay it when [00:27:28] you make the fact that it's not here mean that it's not coming.

[00:27:31] Ryan: Hmm.

[00:27:32] Maggie: You delay it because now you're overeating and now all of a sudden it's [00:27:36] delayed in Denver. How is it even in Denver? That doesn't even make, how did it even end up in Denver? You rerouted it to [00:27:44] Denver because you decided it wasn't coming and you thought maybe overeating would make it get there faster?

[00:27:50] Ryan: Nah, dude, when you overeat, that makes them lose [00:27:52] the package. And they gotta go find it. And

[00:27:54] Maggie: you just keep checking the updates and it's

[00:27:55] Ryan: just like Lost package.

[00:27:56] Maggie: You have, there hasn't been an update since the 21st and you're like, [00:28:00] dude, what, where is this package?

[00:28:02] Ryan: You have to submit a form saying, find my package.

[00:28:04] Ryan: Yeah. You got to get back on your plan. And it's

[00:28:05] Maggie: back on the way. And are you going to let it [00:28:08] get delivered or are you going to keep fucking rerouting the package? Cause that's what you keep doing. Okay. It's a good

[00:28:13] Ryan: one.

[00:28:14] Maggie: We are always, I'm so [00:28:16] disappointed and I'm sorry if any of you work for FedEx, sometimes you get like, I like it because it gets right to my door and stuff, but like, I can always depend on [00:28:24] UPS and I can always depend on USPS.

[00:28:25] Maggie: FedEx is like,

[00:28:26] Ryan: they don't know how to calculate ETAs.

[00:28:28] Maggie: They don't. And we have come to really depend on ETAs.

[00:28:31] Ryan: [00:28:32] Yeah.

[00:28:32] Maggie: And it'll say it's out for delivery, and it's not even in my state, and I'm like, what are we doing, guys? This is just like,

[00:28:37] Ryan: this is just like weight loss. We expect the scale to [00:28:40] be going down.

[00:28:40] Maggie: Yeah, because it was shipped. It's on its way. I've made a sacrifice. I've been doing, like, I paid, I joined the program, I did something [00:28:48] for two days, and it's like,

[00:28:49] Ryan: Yeah.

[00:28:50] Maggie: You have to gain this skill. You must. You have

[00:28:52] Ryan: to. You literally don't have a choice.

[00:28:54] Maggie: You literally don't have a choice unless you [00:28:56] want to live a very small life that is only made up of Simple dopamine hits because like we've talked about before you can [00:29:04] get from day to day on the basic dopamine hits You can scroll your phone all day.

[00:29:08] Maggie: You can eat all day You can like work a job that you hate all day that where [00:29:12] you like you're you've maxed out Nothing else is gonna change you can live in a small way For a big price, you pay a big price, [00:29:20] not learning to wait and sit in the shit and allow your results to come knowing I am working hard, and I'm proud of [00:29:28] myself for doing that, that does not mean I'm owed anything from the universe any sooner than it's destined to show up, and it's my job [00:29:36] to to keep showing up despite that package not showing up and suddenly you guys will be in sync and you will show up and the package will show up and you will know that damn [00:29:44] package is there, but it's not because of what I did yesterday.

[00:29:46] Maggie: This package is there because of what I've done for the last 60 days and that sucks. But just because it sucks doesn't mean [00:29:52] it's not reality. You guys want to do shenanigans where you lose 40 pounds in 20 days? Good luck. It's not what you [00:30:00] want. You think it's what you want. It's not what you want. You want results that last because how bad does it suck when you are doing those [00:30:08] shenanigans of like dieting, restricting and all that, where you're like, Ooh, I got, Oh, you lose it and you've got it for it.

[00:30:13] Maggie: And then you lose it. And you're like, I lost 10 pounds. I gained 12 [00:30:16] pounds. I lost 10 pounds. So then you're constantly like it's hot potato with the fucking results. I want you. To get the results and to be able to keep them and be [00:30:24] like, wow, it took longer than I wanted. But again, when you get where you want to be, you aren't going to care [00:30:32] how long it took you.

[00:30:32] Maggie: You won't. You want to like, I just think of in, in regards to like starting something on the internet, some type of business. I [00:30:40] showed up. So long, so many days, with nothing but comments from nice people and connections from other humans, which was [00:30:48] enough to keep me going, for sure, and Before I made a dime, a.

[00:30:51] Maggie: k. a. before I got my, where's my reward, I've been showing up every single day for [00:30:56] three years. What am I going to get for this? I haven't gotten any, I'm not getting paid. I'm not, but it wasn't that it was like I, I mastered [00:31:04] the skill of showing up day after day after day, making connections, sharing what I loved, , doing it in a way that I loved it.

[00:31:10] Maggie: So it didn't feel as painful. And I [00:31:12] think a lot of you are. are underestimating how much easier that will make your journey.

[00:31:16] Ryan: Yeah.

[00:31:16] Maggie: When you're eating in a way that you love, it doesn't feel like you're working super [00:31:20] hard. It eases the burden of sitting in the shit. Sitting in the shit is not as shitty as it would be if you were working hard, [00:31:28] restricting yourself, feeling starving all the time, and losing weight at a bit of a faster rate, I guess.

[00:31:33] Maggie: Whether or not that's maintainable is up for discussion. There are [00:31:36] things that you could do that make the shit less shitty, but you don't get to avoid it as a whole. And it will take longer than you think, and there will be less [00:31:44] rewards than you think you deserve.

[00:31:46] Ryan: Yeah.

[00:31:47] Maggie: But you can sit over there and think you deserve as much as you want, the results never lie.

[00:31:51] Maggie: [00:31:52] But they are going to be on a different time frame than you expect.

[00:31:54] Ryan: Sit in that shit.

[00:31:54] Maggie: Sit in the shit. And I basically, I told my clients a couple weeks [00:32:00] ago on a call, I said, I love the wins you guys are sharing, but I need them to get dirtier. I need the winds to be dirtier. I want to hear about the times when you [00:32:08] are sitting in that shitty place and you want to eat, you want to binge, you want to overeat, you wanna numb, you wanna check out, and you [00:32:16] aren't doing that.

[00:32:16] Maggie: I wanna hear about that because I wanna hear about it because I want to hear you acknowledging it, that you are doing something that is hard and that you know [00:32:24] that in those hard moments. That's where all the results lie. I want to be celebrating that. We all want to celebrate when it's easy, and when it feels good, and [00:32:32] when, whatever.

[00:32:33] Maggie: When there isn't much of a price to pay. And those wins are great, but they don't pay off the way the wins of sitting in the shit [00:32:40] do. So I purposefully asked people, I want to hear when it hurts. Like, I want to hear when it's painful. And you're so proud of yourself [00:32:48] because normal, the old version of you would have done something different.

[00:32:50] Maggie: She would have eaten to make the pain go away. And now suddenly I'm hearing all these results of people that the [00:32:56] pain is also still going away, but it's going away from a different method. It's going away from a method that doesn't have us gaining weight. The emotional pain [00:33:04] is going away and it's lessening because we're opening up to it.

[00:33:07] Maggie: And that's what you have to do with an urge. That's what I teach my clients. There's a difference between resisting this and [00:33:12] saying, you shouldn't be here and saying, I expected you. You're always here at

[00:33:15] Ryan: 6pm.

[00:33:16] Maggie: Doesn't mean it doesn't suck. Doesn't mean I don't want to do something completely different than what I'm [00:33:20] doing, but I'm willing to do this because I know the payoff of my growth as a human, my emotional capacity and my weight loss results [00:33:28] are dependent on what I do right now, not on what I do when it's easy.

[00:33:31] Maggie: You're not growing one, it's easy. Okay. Good

[00:33:33] Ryan: one. That was a good one.

[00:33:34] Maggie: All right, you guys. See you next [00:33:36] week.

[00:33:36] Ryan: See you [00:33:44] guys.

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